Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
