dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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