Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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