Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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