my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
