She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
