i was born a porn star she said
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you will always have a special place in my vag
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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