a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
