I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
