Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
