What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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