Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
