Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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