I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
