and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
cat food counts as protein by the way
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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