i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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