Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
