God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
