I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
