Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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