Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
