Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
