you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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