i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
