I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
