At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
