Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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