I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
