There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
