one two three fourrrrnication!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
