I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
