Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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