Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
