from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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