If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
