Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
