gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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