you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
