Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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