At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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