so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
