WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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