Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
