My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
