i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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