goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just pee around me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
