Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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