I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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