He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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