Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
